3.5 KiB
[RT] [WIP] [HSF] Set In Stone Chapter 23 |
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Author: u/josephwdye I love you*
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URL: https://setinstonestory.wordpress.com/2015/07/28/chapter-23/
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Score: 12
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Created: 2015-07-28T21:40:00
Post:
Comments:
u/Farmerbob1 [+1] Level 1 author (9 minutes later)
I would like people's assessment of what is happening around Allen. Specifically, are the reactions of the officers and Riko making sense?
EDIT: josephwdye beat me to posting a link to my own chapter. really confused me for a minute :)
u/clawclawbite [+2] (58 minutes later)
Albert confuses all issues. No one else should have a clear or easy reaction.
The one hole I see is not asking after what he said and for speculation on how he might similarly take action to limit the opposing forces.
Also, the not going over his story in fine detail is off. The officer got off topic and did not get back on, but knew it was important.
u/Farmerbob1 [+1] Level 1 author (an hour later)
The next chapter will start with Riko picking at Allen's arguments, if Allen doesn't immediately fold.
The officers know that Allen has a temper. They also know that Allen will listen to Riko, and if there's any way to push past Albert's influence, Riko will probably find it.
Does that help, since you can't read forward yet? Do you believe I should seed something else in this chapter to clarify these things?
With the story being solely from Allen's viewpoint, I'm limited in how much I can narrate outside of his knowledge, and I don't want him to be too intelligent and calculating, even if I am trying to show that he is getting better at it.
u/clawclawbite [+2] (an hour later)
It was more that I was expecting them to try to push around the edges and not try to fight it head on.
Albert seems like people who know enough should find his attention scary, and focused on avoiding it.
The actual pushing works well.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+2] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (an hour later)
It seems crystal clear to me:
What Allen knows:
- Allen figured out you can guns without metal.
- Albert bribed Allen not to tell how to make guns without metal
- Albert will put humanity through a pre-literature stone age if guns are re-invented.
- Allen knows the best thing to do for him country and himself is not disclose how to make guns.
What the army Knows:
- Allen is a useful violence consultant for people constitutionally ill disposed for it.
- Allen doesn't want to be a violence consultant
- Allen claims Albert said he can't be a violence consultant
- If Allen isn't lying then there is something he thought up that could be significantly violent and therefore useful in the war. => The army knows they should try to get Allen to tell him what he came up with.
This is because the army doesn't know Allen talking would be much much worse than their own nation being wiped out.
Edit formatting
u/clawclawbite [+3] (an hour later)
Allen really needs to express that it would be better in the long run for a volcano to erupt where he is standing right now than for him to break the deal.
u/Empiricist_or_not [+2] Aspiring polite Hegemonizing swarm (3 hours later)
The problem is it is very hard to get past family or tribe loyalty hardwiring.